Crossroads Community Church

Ever read something in a book or heard someone say something that hits you right between the eyes, and at first you’re not sure why? I had that experience just last week while reading John Ortberg’s latest book, The Me I Want To Be. It was a quote from Thoreau. Here’s the context in which he uses the quote:

Languishing is the condition of someone who may be able to function but has lost a sense of hope and meaning. Languishing is not the presence of mental illness; it is the absence of mental and emotional vitality. In ancient lists of deadly sins it was called acedia – weariness of soul and inability to delight in life. We speak of dead marriages and dead-end jobs, and to languish is to feel inner deadness. Languishing is the opposite of flourishing, and it was the fear of Henry David Thoreau that “when I came to die, [I would] discover that I had not lived.”

I read Thoreau’s words and it was as if God was saying, “I came to give you life…live it!” My greatest fear is that I will languish – I don’t even like the sound of the word! I’m an activist, I want to constantly be moving, pushing, pursuing, seeing things change. I even toss and turn all night in my sleep! And yet, too much of my life feels like it’s languishing – there’s a feeling of deadness. Some of that is simply the routine of life, some of it is winter in NW Indiana (L), some of it is laziness, but far too much is that I’ve given up on growth, believing that God has something more for me, as Ortberg says, “the me God wants me to be.” I like that. Deep down I want that.

Here’s what I’m learning: God has a plan for the me he wants me to be, but it will not look like the plan he has for someone else. There is no “one-size-fits-all” process for growth. It includes those things that give me – uniquely – life and vitality, and I’m looking to build them into my life and schedule: solitude, reading, coffee with my wife and friends, laughter, opportunities to coach/encourage/mentor/teach, moments of learning something new, sitting in the sun… Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10).

In the weeks ahead, I’ll be talking about an assessment to help understand one’s temperament, learning style, signature sin, and season of life. Over time we find that becoming “the me God meant me to be” is too hard or takes too long. When we give up pursuing growth, or really, pursuing God, we languish – we die a slow death! There is a person inside of you and me waiting to come alive. I want that! Because I don’t want to come to the day of my death and “discover I had not lived.” Stay tuned…